Frequently heard by teachers at my school: ‘you won’t hear that at State Farm’. You know what I am talking about; those silly things we say as teachers that 1) we never dreamed we would say and 2) we can’t believe we really just said. Read this list of things I’ve heard teachers say this week at my school that isn’t heard at an office job and see how many you, yourself, have said probably more than once. And, hopefully, you chuckle at some that may be new for even you.
- Jimmy, we don’t lick our friends.
- Honey, we pull our pants down after we get in the bathroom and shut the door.
- Two minutes later said to the same child: remember to pull your pants up before you come out of the bathroom. Did you wash your hands?
- Jimmy, we don’t want to put those Legos in our mouth.
- Jimmy, not the erasers either!
Our toys don’t go in our pants!
- Do you need a kleenex? (Child proceeds to pick their nose and eat it.) Are you sure you don’t need a kleenex? Go wash your hands.
- Student, that’s been on the floor, please don’t eat it now.
- The play-doh stays on the desk, not on our bodies. No, please don’t put it on your nose.
- Yes, I do like your new underwear but we should keep our clothes down in public and not show other people.
- I can tell you are excited about your new underwear but honey, don’t show Jimmy either.
- We should try not to repeat the words mommy said when she dropped the milk this morning. That isn’t language for school. No, you shouldn’t say that when you drop your pencil box.
Why are your shoelaces wet? Hold on class, I need to wash my hands.
- Everyone farts, let’s focus again.
- Please don’t cut your pants.
- Stop! No, you cannot give her a haircut.
- You don’t know what those shoes stepped on, please don’t lick them.
- Feet are for walking.
- That’s a question for your mom.
- Go wash your hands then put your hands in your lap or on your desk (said to a child with their hand in their pants).
It will be easier to hear the directions if you sit up in your chair and take your fingers out of your ears.
- I can teach when you are all quiet. We can start when you are all quiet. I can pass these out when you are all quiet. Let’s be quiet. I said BE QUIET, please. Yes, I did raise my voice so you could hear me but no, I wasn’t yelling. I said please. It is ok if you tell your mommy. I’m sure mommy will understand that I had to be a little louder.
- Please sit in your own space. This space is mine.
No, I asked you to find your own space. That space is Jimmy’s. Yes, that space is yours. Please sit there.
- Please don’t lick the door, we all have to touch the handle. Jimmy, go wash your hands; you know he just licked the door handle.
- Eyes up here.
- Bottoms on the floor, please.
Our elementary kiddos are the best entertainment, right? I am positive that many of you have had a ‘Jimmy’ or two in your room. Poor Jimmy! I hope this gives you a little laughter. We all need to laugh at ourselves and what we say in these classrooms that for sure, are not heard at an office job! What is a thing you’ve heard teachers say that isn’t heard at an office job? Leave it in the comments below.
Written by: Suzanne Kelley
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