I believe teachers are superheroes! We are compassionate, hard-working, and adaptable, but most of all we have the power to keep a straight face when no one else can! To confirm that we came up with a list of 42 of the craziest things students have said!
We asked the teachers in our Fearless Kindergarten, Fearless First Grade, and Fearless Second Grade Facebook groups what kind of crazy things they have heard students say and some of these answers had me actually gasping for air I was laughing so hard!
Craziest Things Students Have Said: 1 –
“Had a student tell me after lunch they had a rat for lunch and he really liked it … had to explain to his mom that they had wraps for lunch” -Michelle R.
2- “Mrs. Taylor, where do you work?” -Susan T.
3- “I called my young friend over to talk with him after he was reported for saying a naughty word. He looked at me like he couldn’t believe it. He said, ‘all I said was f@#*!’ I said, ‘Buddy, that’s the naughtiest word of all!'” -Rhonda O.
4- In the middle of a math lesson while they were doing a math problem on their whiteboard… ‘Wait a second, we are doing math now?!'” -Nicole F.
5- “Recently a 2nd grader gave a very detailed description of two of his past lives and how he died.” -Melissa K.
Craziest Things Students Have Said: 6 –
“A kid asked me while I was leading small group reading, ‘Why are you here?’…” -Shannon C.
7- “Oh and years ago, my favorite was when I told a kindergartener I was going to buy a new car after work. He said, ‘You should get a van.’ I asked why and he responded, ‘In case you get pregnant.'” -Emily M.
8- “I’m really going to miss you when you die.” -Heidi C.
9- “No offense but I was talking with my partner before you started talking.” -Abby Z.
10- “Last night Matthew’s daddy had a sleepover with my mommy!” -Susan W.
11- “During gym class, a frustrated, uncoordinated 1st grader told me I was to blame for him not being able to jump rope… he said I mistakenly gave him a left-handed jump rope.” -Shelly K.
Craziest Things Students Have Said: 12 –
“When you were gone and we had a substitute teacher, I thought she was you and that you just got old.” -Michelle W.
13- “Me: ‘Why are there socks in your desk?’ Boy: ‘They’re my backup mittens.'” – Susan T.
14- “A student said to me, ‘I am really a dragon. I dress up as a girl so that I can go to school. I have to be careful not to get mad or I will blow fire out of my nose!’ Then she wet her pants right there in front of me and said, ‘Oh, I forgot, girls have to use the bathroom!’ You can’t make this stuff up.” -Jennifer T.
15- “Apparently bananas turn monkeys into gorillas. They were so afraid to eat their bananas with their breakfast.” -Lydia H.
16- “In Kindergarten, we were going over what “laws” are and why we have to try and follow them. I asked if anyone knew a law. Boy 1: ‘Don’t drink and drive!’ Boy 2: ‘Yeah! You could choke!!!'” -Katie M.
Craziest Things Students Have Said: 17-
“Mrs. Taylor, can girls have six-packs?” – Susan T.
18- “Is Jesus our dad or our stepdad? I teach in public school and this was an argument some of my kids were having during breakfast.” -Kathy D.
19- “My mom is at the casino.” -Anna P.
20- “Me: ‘Friends, we don’t eat snow. It could have dirt in it!’ Student: ‘Yeah, or bird sh$@!’” – Kristin H.
21- “‘Ms. B, what do you get in your Easter basket? Tampons????’ -a Kindergartener I was a 1:1 aide for.” -Sarah B.
22- “Mrs. Titus I can’t go potty because there are velociraptors in the bathroom!!” -Michelle T.
Craziest Things Students Have Said: 23-
“One wore a life jacket to school and kept it on all day long. When I asked why, they said, ‘So I don’t drown, duh!'” -Kristin H.
24- “I teach in a Christian school, so at the beginning of the year we learn about Adam and Eve. One of the girls in my Kindergarten class looked at the picture of them standing behind a bush. A brilliant idea occurred to her. ‘We should have Naked Day!’ NO!!!” -Laura H.
25- “While 9 months pregnant, the week before my maternity leave one of my 3rd graders goes ‘I love to hug you, know why? Your belly is so squishy. I hope your belly stays squishy after you have your baby'” -Elisabeth L.
26- “Currently pregnant with my second child. I had one student ask me when the baby will be here and then another student proceeded to ask during that time when the baby is coming will I also take the DNA test to find out who the father is.” -Jeanne S.
27- “One year we were learning about worker bees and how the worker bees are the females. A student, loud and clear, said ‘that’s just like a woman. Has to do everything!'” -Kitzi K.
Craziest Things Students Have Said: 28-
“My favorite was when a 6th-grade boy held the door open for me. I said thank you for being such a gentleman. I really appreciate it. Boy: my grandpa said girls like gentlemen so I’m trying my hardest but most girls in my class don’t get it Me: You might need to let them get a little bit older. Boy: Cool I will tell grandpa that it only works on the old chicks so he doesn’t waste time on the young ones. And with that he happily skipped away.” -Tamara A.
29- “We were in line on picture day and a girl asked me to hold her purse. I said no and a student told her I’ll hold it, I’m secure in my masculinity. LOL At the end of the year that 8th grader got a special award on awards day. Loved that kid.” -Logan W.
30- “I always used to introduce myself to a new class in September with a few facts about me. One fact was I was married for 30 years. One student asked, ‘To the same person?'” -Karen G.
31- “While teaching a history lesson, I told the kids that John and Abigail Adams were married for 54 years. A student raised his hand and said, ‘And then they got divorced?'” -Becky C.
32- “Have you ever rode a bull? I said do I look like I’ve ever ridden a bull? His response was ‘no’. A min later have you ever ridden a mechanical bull? At this point, I burst out laughing!” -Stacy P.
Craziest Things Students Have Said: 33-
“A colleague was trying to persuade his year 5 pupils to not use rubbers/erasers when drawing. He told them about Leonardo Da Vinci’s painting of the Sistine Chapel ceiling. He said he must have made mistakes but he just painted over them. The boy at the back of the room asked ‘Sir how big was his piece of paper?'” -Ruth C.
34- “I was teaching fourth graders!! During the school year, a group of third graders ran up to me and said: ‘Please don’t die this year, we want to be in your class in grade four.’ I laughed so loud! They were with me in fourth grade!!” -Rene K.
35- “Yesterday a kid asked if BB guns were around back when I was born.” -Stephanie W.
36- “I had taught a math lesson and gave them a few problems. I would always do that to check for understanding. One student said, ‘The kids do the work and the teacher gets the money.’ I couldn’t wait to laugh.” -Rubye F.
37- “Where does it say that in the teacher rule book?” -Kalei C.
Craziest Things Students Have Said: 38-
“For a show and tell session a child told the class how his dad had gone away to work and he was going to bring him a special gift when he returned. He then went on to say that his uncle had arrived and they didn’t have a spare room so he slept in mum’s room!!” -Sonia B.
39- “A girl told me recently that I am too young to teach (she nows I am in my first year) because I have all my teeth… I should come back when I am older!” -Elisabeta H.
40- “Yesterday, a 4th grader walked into class and said, ‘Good Morning! My mom told me to go to hell, so here I am’” -Shelly E.
41- “Kinder: My head hurts I think I need a pregnancy test!” -Shanen S.
42- “Instead of my dog ate my homework, it was my dog peed on my homework. It really did and he brought it in to prove it.”’ -Myla M.
I personally think there should be an Oscars-type award show dedicated specifically to teachers. The amount of acting talent it takes to keep a straight face when a kid looks at you and says some of the things that these teachers have been told, is pure AMAZING!
If you want more hilarious content and off-the-wall stories from other teachers, join our Facebook Groups: Kindergarten Fearless Group, First Grade Fearless Group, or Second Grade Fearless Group.
Or, you can also sign up for our free Teaching Tiny Humans Teacher Course, where you will get weekly emails and guidance on how to navigate challenging situations, along with tips, tricks, activity ideas, and freebies to make this school year a success and constantly be honing your skills even if you are not in the classroom.
In addition, you can follow us on Instagram, TikTok, and Facebook @educationtothecore for continued information and resources as the school year progresses, or listen to our podcast Where the Primary Things Are.
Written by – Korryna Sanchez
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