55 of the Best Teacher One-Liners


Calling all teachers to this post! Whether you have been teaching a year or thirty years, teachers come up with some of the best teacher one-liners! We come up with zippy responses to students who are not listening, and students who continually forget to put their names on their papers. You, teachers, can be very witty with your teacher one-liners, so some of them are sooooo good, they have to be shared. I am stealing a few of these for my classroom. Here are 55 of some of the best teacher one-liners shared by YOU! I love #14, #28, and #46! ???

Names Not on Paper Teacher One-Liners

1-I can’t guess. If I could I’ll guess the lottery numbers, get rich, and get out of here! Until then, write your name.

2-I guess I’m going to write my name on it and take it to my mom to show her what good work I did.

3-I guess I will show the principal my good work.

4-If you like it then, you should have put a name on it. (Sung like Beyonce).

5-Write your last name. You aren’t Beyonce.

6-No name, no fame.

Teacher One-Liners in the Form of Praise

7-Like McDonald’s: I’m Loving It!

8-Kindergarten teacher to her students: I’m clearly going to need to go find a kindergarten class because I think I am in a first-grade class right now!

9-Excellent answer! You grow on a person after a while like a fungus on toes!

10-You’re rocking my socks off!

11-This effort is fridge-worthy!

12-Wow! You must have a great teacher!

Teacher One-Liners for Behaviors

13-I just looked up off-task in the dictionary, and your picture was there.

14-This is why we can’t have nice things.

15-Who are you talking to? It better be Jesus!

16-Pretend I yelled at you, and stop that.

17-One rule: don’t cause me paperwork!

18-Put your feet down! This is not the Holiday Inn!

19-It’s the shouting out without raising your hand for me!

20-Better catch up Mustard!

21-What’s your job right now? Then, do your job!

22-You better check yourself!

Students Missed the Directions

23-Ask a friend because I heard what I said.

24-Do it nice, or do it twice!

25-Phone a friend.

26-Ask three before you ask me!

27-Welcome to the party.

Teacher One-Liners for Busybodies and Interruptions

28-You all up in the Kool-Aid, and you don’t even know the flavor.

29-Stay in your lane.

30-Beep…leave a message.

31-Thank you Captain Obvious.

32-Are you barfing, bleeding, or broken?

Glue Usage One-Liners

33-A little dab will do you!

34-To be the masters of the glue, little dots will do!

35-Dot, dot, not a lot.

36-A dot does a lot!

All Hail the Queen

37-This is the Miss G show. Time for you to tune in!

38-This is not a Democracy. It is a Monarchy, and I am the QUEEN!

39-Last I checked, your momma doesn’t work here.

40-Who is driving this bus?

41-I’m not your momma, clean up your mess.

42-This ain’t Burger King where you can have it your way!

43-Well, aren’t you precious!

Empathy (Sarcastic at Times)

44-I have no tissue for your issue!

45-You get what you get, and you don’t pitch a fit!

46-Build a bridge, then get over it.

47-Too bad, so sad.

48-Bummer dude.

49-Oh, sugar muffins.

Teacher One-Liners for Bad Language and Rude Comments

50-Would you say that to your grandma?

51-Do you kiss your momma with that mouth?

52-Not everything that rolls around your brain needs to come out of your mouth!

Miscellaneous Teacher One-Liners

53-Shop the floor!

54-I’m not a doorbell, so don’t poke me.

55-Is your pencil heavy because I haven’t seen you lift it all day?

You all are too FUNNY! Did you chuckle a little at some of these one-liners, too? Maybe you found some that you already use or are starting to now? I wonder if Beyonce realizes how often she is spoken about in some classes? Looking back, I don’t remember my teachers being nearly as clever with their one-liners! But, I am inspired by your wit, and I will do better at bringing the funny!


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